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Greetings,

This site is the online home of my collected works as a writer.  You could say that I have been busy at *this* for a few years, and since much of the material on this site is just now seeing the light of day outside of obscure literary journals, websites and personal stash boxes, there ought to be plenty for you to read here: Newspaper columns, magazine profiles, journals, music reviews, essays, book reviews and blurbs, press releases, poems and lyrics…

Writing is becoming a participatory sport. The electronic democratization of media has wrecked havoc on established outlets for writers and journalists, which is concerning for someone who is just now getting started in the field. But my resolve have been steeled by many comments from supporters who tell me that there is still a place for great writing, and a way for those who create interesting word-trains to make money in the New Media. Well, hell. Bring it on. Comment away. Let me know your thoughts and ideas, and I will do the same.

Thanks for taking the time to read and consider my words. A writer is only as interesting as his readers are interested, after all…

West wishes, 

Corby

Comedy Work is Serious Business
By Corby Anderson

How I came to find myself in Aspen during the winter of 1996 is a story unto itself. That one involves a broken car, a mauled ticker, a soon-to-be useless college degree, several dares, a dog named Bear, and at least two quarts of Boone County blueberry moonshine, consumed at irregular intervals.

But it is that first night, spent sitting on a wobbly barstool milking a sore neck at the J-Bar that sticks in my memory as a scatter shot signpost to my own varied existence as an Aspenaut.

Somehow I had been enlisted to act as a stagehand for the HBO Comedy Festival, a job which involved much loading and unloading of large, heavy rolling boxes down iced over steel truck ramps.

It was my job, and that of about seven other frozen, giddy souls, all new to Aspen, to unload trucks while weathering the withering ire of a hot-headed LA producer with a penchant for stunningly mean vulgarity. Like his own personal Army, we eight hands offloaded several tons of equipment in the alley behind the Jerome through a lashing winter storm. The producer railed on us constantly. At one point I stopped to ask him if his act was just that – an act. “Are we being filmed? Is this some sort of skit?” I asked through clopping teeth. His answer is unprintable, but essentially he urged me back to work, with an addendum to stop asking questions.

I had had just about enough with Chad, or Dom, or whatever the hell the producers name was, when fate intervened. I was looking up at the cascading sky, dreaming of the morrow, when I would once more float freely down a mountain, a fairly new and all-abiding sensation to this recent relocatee from the unpowdered, ice-doused hills of North Carolina, where I had previously “learned” to ski.

With my head to the sky, eyes transfixed on one particular, postcardesque snowflake descending through the tangerine glow of the klieg lights, I never saw the ten-foot section of lighting truss coming. The steel beam clipped me right in the neck, sending me reeling backwards down the ramp, sliding the last five feet upside down like a human curling stone. “Jesus! Anderson, you alright?” I heard my roommate say. “JESUS! WHAT THE $#^% NOW!” I heard Chad/Dom say. I couldn’t see him from my turtled position there in the snowdrift, but I imagined him motioning to the others disgustedly to remove me from his ramp, which is exactly what happened.

I was deposited in the only sick bay available, the J-Bar, and told to get a warm drink and return to work as soon as I was able. As it turned out, the recovery time from such an incident was exactly 18 hours, at least six of which, spread over two calendar dates, were spent sitting on a barstool, drinking my prescription – hot coffee and whiskey. After three doses, I asked the keep to adjust the tincture. No sense in keeping up all night, I thought. I had work to do, eventually…

Corby Anderson
Marina, California
November 22, 2009

On a perfectly brisk November Thursday morning, I wheeled the awkward plastic garbage cans down the short slope of the driveway towards their arranged rendezvous site down on the Brookside Place curb. Grogged and yet unsure how to organize my latest sheath of free time, I paused to pick up a soggy, half-walloped firework mortar shell that lay in the gutter. The dead rocket was left over from a hasty street celebration upon my return to the coast from elk camp in the Rockies earlier in the week.

I was stooped over, considering the fate of black ants, the potency of blended charcoal, potassium, and sulfer, and the design of modern sewage transport systems when I heard a voice cackling at me from across the street. It was the unmistakable patter of my neighbor, Tex.

I have long thought Tex to have similarities to jet aircraft. Just consider his golf game, or his drinking style – both beginning with incredible lurches, followed by a relatively smooth cruise, and inevitably end with a sudden, nerve-baking, hair-standing descent into certain doom, which if course he somehow always steers us out of (but not without claiming the crested topsoil of some pretty tall mountains) Reinforcing this conception, like a supersonic jet, as soon as I heard Tex’s voice chiming in from his lawn, which was to my rear, I wheeled around, looked up only to see that my neighbor was already standing right next to me.

“That’s a neat trick,” I said, my mind still bogged down in a pastiche of minutia.
“Trick? Hell! This aint no time for tricks!” he urged in his trademark drawl. Tex is appropriately named. He hails from somewhere called Guerne, Texas. This I know from an oversized “Where the hell is Guerne, Texas?” bumper sticker which takes up the majority of his already elongated bumper whose sole purpose, other than to serve as a ladder rung to the precipitous roof cage atop the Suburban, protects his 44” mud tires and impressive array of suspension components from the offending intrusion of a slow-braking sedan.

“No? I asked, half-sincerely. “Well, shoot, Tex. What’s on your mind?”
“Huh?” he asked distractedly. He now stared transfixed on the exploded ordinance that sat harmless in my hand.
“Jesus, I thought that I was the space cadet! What’s got you so…so.. stealthily mobile today?
“Oh! What’s that?” he asked, pointing to the shell.
“Mortar canister. I believe it is officially called a Class A Multi-Break Shell.”
“Class A? Where’d ya get that?”
“Indians. Out near Vegas they sell all sorts of goodies like this. Moapa’s. You can bet craps, get duty free liquor, discount smokes, and explosives – everything from Black Panthers to Stingers.”

I turned to go back to the house, but Tex stopped me with a mumble and a shift in his eyes. Something was amiss. Usually he is at work by this time. It is rare that anyone other than myself, the fat shut-in’s down by the mailbox, or the old black lady down the street are out on Brookside past 9 am, and I think that the emphasema finally took her a few months back.
“Alright buddy. What’s got you all in an uproar today?”
“Goldamn Rusty, I thought that you’d never ask!” he almost shouted, regaining his wits. He scratched his thick jaw. It has been at least three days since he shaved. I know because I typically see him on Fridays, when he starts letting his corporation face go to seed, and Mondays, when he’s back to toeing the line. “It’s everything really…A regular smores-board of crap’s been buggin’ me. Got so bad I had to call in sick today just to sort it all out. Wanna beer?”

I considered his offer and then thought better of it. “Can’t. Gotta get some work done. And besides, it’s not even 10 o’clock!” I replied. Tex happily nodded and pulled two cans of Coors Light out of the front pocket of his hooded sweatshirt, offering me one with a steady hand. “Well, I suppose that one cant hurt,” I smiled. Besides, it’s Thursday! What the hell…”

He cracked the seals on the cans and handed me a beer. The first sip held within its tiny golden bubbles the sudden, energetic kick of a whole pot of coffee.
“There’s nothing quite like that first taste of beer in the morning,” he said.
“Steinbeck said that,” I said, surprised at Tex’s literary nod. ‘Well…Ed Ricketts said it. Steinbeck wrote it. Hell, who knows though. Maybe Steinbeck made it all up anyways…” I continued.

Tex got still for a second as he downed his beer. He drank the whole thing in one great chug, then went over to my recycling can and dropped the can in on top of the rest of the boxes, plastic bits and dead soldiers. As he did so, he reached deep into his cargo pants and pulled out several wads of paper, which he quickly shoved into my trash bin. I saw this and cocked my head a bit, but Tex just waved me off. “Old bills and whatnot. Idda put ‘em in my own can, but the driver already took our trash,” he grinned.
“Oh yeah?” I questioned, how is that? Same guy takes both our trash…”
“Never mind all of that, Rusty. It’s not important. Now, I know that you’ve got this trial hanging over your head and all…”
“It’s over. And it’s not like it was me on trial, I was a juror. I just had to sit there and look like I was paying attention,” I interjected.
“Right, well as I was saying. There’s just so much going on out there in the world. It’s got me…say, you said it was over?”
“Yep.”
“What the hell happened? Thought that was supposed to take a week?”
‘Well, the DA couldn’t prove that his guy got beat up, and so we acquitted the other guy. No evidence.”
“It was a fight?”
“I guess.”
“Over a chick? Its always over a chick. Least that’s what started every brawl I ever got into!” he said.
“Well, no. This one was about a dog. Anderson Cooper was the dogs name. They called him AC.”
“Anderson Cooper? Like the news guy?”
“Yep.”
“What a thing to name your dog! Why not Marlboro, or Tank, or Dingo or something?”
“I don’t think it was that kind of dog. And these weren’t those kind of guys.”
“Well, what happened?”
I shuffeled in my spot. The cold concrete was starting to seep through the thin layer of rubber of my old, worn flip flops. “Don’t you have a crisis to worry about? Something that you wanted to discuss?” I asked. I would have been tempted to go inside and work, but I had nothing desperate for me to work on. As a writer, there are times in life where I have to accept that conversations like these are my work.

“Yeah…but hell, yours sounds more interesting right now. I’ve never been in a trial. Every time I get jury duty, they cancel the trial before I even have to go to court,” he said proudly.
“Nice. Not my luck this time.”
“So what happened. Who punched who?”

“Well, that’s just the nut. There was no punch, at least as far as we could tell. It was two guys – both queers, ex-boyfriends – who were wrestling over the dog, and the one guy – they were both named Steve, as it turns out, said his ex punched and scratched him to get the dog away from him. Then he said that he was on methamphetamines at the time, that the guy he accused was a chronic liar…all kinds of stuff.”
“Only in California.”
“Yep.” I looked down the street, and about a hundred yards towards the coast an extremely large man dressed in a dingy looking red velvet sweat suit waddled shyly out to the curb with a letter in this teeth. He looked transparent, like he hadn’t seen the sun in a month or more. I wondered why he had the letter in his teeth, until he angled towards Tex and I and I could see that he was using both of his short arms to save his pants from the whim of gravity. “…turns out Steve the alleged beatee was a major exaggerator. I hesitate to use the word drama queen, but there is really no other way to describe him. And he was actually dog-napping AC in the first place. It was a real mess…”

Tex fished around in the ass pocket of his pants and pulled out a shiny silver flask. The flask had a black leather piece stretched across the middle, with the words “PROPERTY OF TEX” stamped in. “Burbin?”

I shook off his offer, reaching into my own pants, producing a half-charred joint. “I’ll take it slow, if you don’t mind. Go right ahead though,” I said, shielding the lighter from the constant coastal breeze. It had picked up in just the short time that I had been out since taking the cans to the curb. Out at sea, there was a big winter storm marching in, or at least that’s what they said last night. By the looks of it, the angry beast that they had predicted for this afternoon was starting to sharpen its fangs. I hoped that it would bring some rain. It don’t feel like November unless the weather kicks your ass a little.

Tex unscrewed the cap and braced himself with the liquor, and in one smooth motion took the joint from my fingers. He double hit the malformed cigarette, drawing a startling cloud of smoke out of it’s tiny furnace and down into his lungs, and then back out of his lungs and into the atmosphere in a series of choking coughs that doubled my neighbor over at the waist.
“Careful there buddy. Your libel to call in some Elephant Seals over the dune with that cough. I don’t think I could save you from a horny bull seal with just this joint.” He continued coughing, now confused and exacerbated with equal doses of laughter. He rattled on and I kept up the warnings. “Yeah! I hear that when they get aroused, they can outrun a quarter horse in a sprint, you know.” Tex kept laughing and coughing. It sounded like he was trying to say something. Every time that I thought that he was pulling it together, he would look up the street towards the dune and start into another fit. Occasionally he pointed while he laughed. “Those bulls will have a field day with your wrecked ass. Get it together or we’re both fucked!” I said. Now he stomped his foot on the pavement like some hillbilly at a contra dance. He glanced over my shoulder and his red eyes grew exponentially as he returned to hysterics.

“HEY!” Came a nearby voice, gasping and warbling through the atmosphere as if in a marathonian struggle. “You two are smoking cannibas reefers!”

TO BE CONTINUED…

*Note – I was asked to write an announcement for a colleagues grandparents 50th anniversary party brochure. Having never met either of the honored hosts, I had very little to go on, but was able to cobble together this short piece with a short anecdote that was shared with me. – CA

“Origins can be foggy at times. In the fifty years of adventure, drama and passion that have occurred since Lindy and Ilse Melton first met, there have been as many memories as stars upon a clear winters night. And so perhaps it is fitting that the very first shared memory is cloudy.

Lindy claims the two met in a post-war German pub in the Bavarian town of Landshut. But Ilse , the local girl, remembers this chance meeting differently, instead offering that the dashing American serviceman caught her eye as she walked by his post.

And what does it matter, anyway, whose story is correct? For it is certain that deep, and everlasting love blossomed there along the river Isar. On their first date, Lindy, dressed primly in his best military uniform, ordered a steak which arrived so rubbery that when he went to cut into it, the beef rejected his knife with such force that his steak literally flew across the restaurant and landed on someone else’s plate. Persistent as ever, Lindy proudly stood up, crossed the room, fetched his fork from where it had flown, and returned to eat it.

This dutiful, iron-clad persistence was required for the two to make it as a couple, for when Lindy was transferred back to the States, it would take a steady (and, word has it, scintillating!) stream of love letters flying in both directions just to stay in touch. Finally, when Lindy had saved enough money, he proposed, and flew his bride across the Atlantic so that the two could be married, fifty years ago today.

Fifty years of marriage is a landmark occasion, and is a good time for reflection. And as the still-newlyweds celebrate their special night, if you look just so, in the glinting of that certain tender light, you will see the soldier, snappy in his attire, and his beautiful future bride sitting across from you, still laughing over his tough steak.”

Corby Anderson
Marina, CA
10-09

Dear Neighbor Lady:

Dear Neighbor Lady,

Many apologies for knocking on your garage door at 2 am this past Saturday morning. It must have come as quite a shock to see your husband standing there, perhaps a bit disoriented in the midst of his sickness.

It was I who knocked, though I was forced to leave quicker than I would have liked, so that I could pay the cab that drove us both home from a local restaurant. Were I able to stay longer, I would have taken the opportunity to explain what I understood about your husband’s unfortunate medical condition, which might have helped to assuage your consternation.

As it was, I had to run. The cab driver was anxious for his payment. It was a slow night in Monterey, but for us! And quite a ride home, we had! I’ve never had the pleasure of stopping quite so often, or so suddenly, to enjoy the night air that courses down highway 1!

So you know, I believe that your husband was poisoned somehow. Before he became incapacitated in his delirium, several times he made mention of “bad chicken”, which I take to mean that he was perhaps inoculated with a terrible dose of salmonella, e-coli, or some other scourge botulism. Try as we might, he was unable to drink enough liquids to pickle the bugs, and at about 1:30 am, he began to have serious stomach ailments, which dogged him all the way home.

Along the way he made mention, several times, that he did not know where he was. I took this as a serious sign of advancing sickness, since it was obvious that we were traveling at high speed on the freeway that he travels down at least twice daily, and that most of his body was hanging outside of the rear passenger side window. This just seemed to upset him more, so I dropped the subject and chalked it up to his worsening food poisoning.

Once home, your man decided that it was best to urinate on the old German neighbor ladies front porch, apparently upset at her choice of condiments. “Goddamned Kraut!” he shouted into the night.

I tried to stop him, as the old lady who owns the house would likely be upset, but soon found even myself unable to control my own bladder, which was bursting with displeasure after the hour-long ordeal in the cab home. As it turned out, I too was soon overcome with my own bowel condition, which came on quickly and unexpectedly, and which was relieved thanks to a handy German flag that your next-door neighbor inexplicably flies.

Once in your garage, your husband became outraged at the unfortunate unseemliness of his clothing, as it was covered in red and orange colored bits of what I believe was once a chicken enchirito, or perhaps a tangy marinara, and decided that it was best to greet you in the raw flesh. Coincidentally, that is when I decided that I had better get on home to my own wife, which is why I was unable to stick around after knocking. As I left, I was sure that good times were ahead for you, as your good man was making staggered allusions to expecting some fair amount of romance once you opened the door for him.

I hope that your Sunday is as exciting as your Saturday night! And here’s to wishing your fellow a speedy recovery from that vile flu that befell him yesters eve…Also, check his pockets. I think that he may have won something.

Cheers!

Corby Anderson
Neighbor in Good Standing
Brookside Place
Marina, California
11-14-09

A LEGACY OF SUNSHINE
Mother Hips release their seventh record, Pacific Dust.
By Corby Anderson

motherhips-pacificdust-hires
I have before me a new record, recently released by my favorite band. This review will serve as a streaming journal of my thoughts recorded upon the First Spin. All subsequent spins, or listens, as it were (does a digital file spin, per se?), will forever be offset by the virginal experience.

Like original sex with a human being who is kind, drunk, or horny (or all three) enough to give your own body a randy go at their own – and ultimately for good, bad or otherwise – that first listen to a piece of music is always the one that lodges itself firmly into your memory mud, a road sign from which all future mental mapping of the work finds its bearing.

This record is called Pacific Dust, and it is by the Mother Hips, a Northern California-based band that I have spent most of my adult life listening to, following around (in what might be considered a stalkerish manner by lesser entertainers), and generally blathering on about in every possible communicative way that a pseudo-mediaite can muster. It is their second record released since their return to the footlights in 2004 following a short hiatus, which at one time threatened to last an indefinite time. Such is the nature of hiatuses, work, war and love.

The record before this, Kiss the Crystal Flake, was essentially a game-changing record for the band. The seventh song, TGIM, literally convinced me to quit my job of eight years and move to Monterey, California to be a writer. That I did this on the verge of the direst economic atmosphere seen since the days when a family car cost .17 cents is not really my concern. If I’ve learned anything from the experience, its that you can’t argue with fate.

It was said long ago, and remains true to this day, that there is something preternaturally synchronous about the song writing that the Mother Hips offer to those who orbit within draw of their gravity.

What was said exactly was that the Mother Hips “write the soundtrack to our lives”, and, well, in my case its fucking true, actually. I know, I know. Plenty of people can say the same about their favorite bands, legitimately so. That is art, of course. However, speaking directly of the band whose latest record I am about to partake in for this seminal time, all that I know is there are too many instances of lyrics, moods, and tones fitting perfectly the unfolding events of my life. Breakups, makeup’s, chance meetings, road trips, work, philosophy – they have almost all been eased and understood at some point thanks to an eerie lyric, an otherwise comically coincidental timing.

I would point out that this is the seventh record released officially by the Hips.

1. Back to the Grotto
2. Part Timer Goes Full
3. Shootout
4. Later Days
5. Green Hills of Earth
6. Kiss the Crystal Flake
7. Pacific Dust.

I was once an athlete. Will be someday once more, when the knees mend and the waist wastes. But that is another story. Suffice to say, my personal number in baseball, softball, basketball, and professional mushroom collecting, were there such an event, is seven. It is my karmic sign – the symbol that most defines my life. I was born on 1/7/72. I was married on 7/7/07, and at that wedding, we drank 777 Seven & 7’s. I’m just saying.

On a side note: A man possibly named Jose Garcia JUST called and in let on that he may actually rent my house in Colorado. This is of note in that this empty, plan-sinking house has been lingering like a rotten fish in my life for at least two months. If it goes on much longer, we’ll have to redirect the Good Ship Wildhair and head back to Colorado abruptly, arriving with wet tails between our legs. Strange timing, given that I’ve just gone 47 increasingly concerning days without a phone call on this matter. We go from rightside up to upside down and back so quickly these days.

I received a package this afternoon from the record label. In it were this little heavenly chunk of gold and silver CD and a few 11×17 posters with the record cover emblazoned smartly on them. I am one of the lucky few getting an early listen, thanks to winning a contest to host a listening party here in Carmel. I won’t be the first to say it, and in fact I usually mock those who do, but in this case it is true: I never win anything, not even contests rigged by me for nobody but me to actually win. Once I ran a harmless ring of fraud in which I used my status as a 17 year old radio station “sports director” to get a local drag strip to fork over some free passes for something called the “Winternational”. (FRIDAY FRIDAY FRIDAY! – God those were fun commercials to make) Of course, when I showed up at the gates with my nearly identical 19 year old brother as my “grand prize winner” it didn’t take long for the race track staff to figure out that, as MJ would say, “scamonee”.

Later in life, I got a free ticket to go ski Steamboat Ski area from the Aspen Ski Company, who I worked for “loading ass for the Man” as a lift operator. Somehow, in all my charms, I parlayed that one free ticket into a blown meniscus, a massive hospital bill, an arrest for theft of service or some such trumped up charge, a good healthy firing from a job that same brother put his ass on the line for, a two year banning from skiing the mountain by the president of the company, a sudden move to Los Angeles, an awkward move in with a girl whose first instinct upon my arrival was to immediately scram for the hills of Kentucky, an unfinished novel and other anomalies of fate.

The record cover itself is a fantastically snappy, nostalgic painting of a Carmel-like sunset cocktail party. I believe that I won the listening party contest because I proposed to recreate the record cover with my own party (mustaches and all), which I intend to do on Friday the 23rd of October at Carmel Beach.

But back to the record, which I will now, at long last, actually play!

Song one is the bombastic, mesmerizing White Falcon Fuzz. I’ve heard the song already, thanks to a sneak preview, and have had many great moments to date soaking in the atmosphere of The Fuzz. The song is different lyrically, in that it’s writer, Tim Bluhm, packs twice as many words into the lines as one might be used to hearing in a song.

But what words! “I don’t know what the penalty is for thinking you can do what’s left of what’s never been done. And if I never find out its either cause I did it or I tried and I failed, said forget it and walked into the sun.” All of that in 16 seconds, backed by a sweet picking Byrdsian riff with a meaty, hooking walkup to the chorus, which in typical Hips fashion is quite a departure from the rest of the song. Time change is both the musical and philosophical identifying mark of this band, and here they hit both marks. With Kiss the Crystal Flake, the band saw their first commercial distribution on a widescale basis thanks to the inclusion of a few of their songs on the game Rock Star. White Falcon Fuzz seems perfectly written for such a thing, with the added bonus that it’s lyrics will likely force the curious teens to look up words like “thus” and “transfigured”, which is never a bad thing.

Early on, Bluhm sings of waking up late at night to write a song, and thinking he sees a dark figure in his house. As his wife sleeps nearby, he writes while fighting a battle with this dark figure using a sharp pencil for a weapon in the 5th dimension. I am not sure what the 5th dimension is, other than the R&B group who somehow recorded the hippy anthem “Aquarius/Let the Sunshine In”. I have trouble enough with the three dimensions that I operate in. But this simple line is enough to set the theme for the whole record. In Kiss the Crystal Flake the enduring first line was about a mission being undertaken, about time and its importance. The theme of time is what defined that record.

I am guessing that this fifth dimension, this fight to write it all down before the dreams overwhelm the original thought, and the ultimate musical application of that thought will course through this record.

Third Floor Story is track two, historically the “hit” spot on a record. It is an older song that has finally found a place on a record, and justifiably so. A real juking bit of California funk and soul, this song is one of the easiest songs to dance to from a band that offers some seriously danceable tunes.

Third Floor Story is a rollicking song which seems a frontal assault on the record industry, a business that for years has failed this historically important, influential rock and roll band. One stanza directly addressed this conundrum, as well as hinting at the long past influence of drugs on the band. “The company quit/they didn’t do shit for our new record/What do I have to do to get a break, won’t someone just give me a hit?/Oh I feel better already…” Later, the tempo chills significantly for the lines “I have a heart that is older than you/I’m a soldier and I’m hurt, its true/So many times I have tried to brush it off, but your sharpened wit nearly ran me through” This followed by a nasty toned lick and the pleading, honest chorus, and capped by the decaying disharmonious breakdown tones of the songs fade out.

Jess Oxox is up next. It is the first song that I have never heard before this typing. I always wondered what Oxox actually meant. Is it an acronym, or a stand-alone word? At any rate, to me the word harkens back to eight grade Valentines Day cards and comments written in high school yearbooks. To this point, the only instance of Oxox being written on my behalf was an anonymous red lip sticking of my driver side window in the parking lot of my old school.

The song has that other hallmark of the Hips sound – a steady, driving guitar rhythm, less fuzzed-out but still similar to those which have made Weezer so famous. Now I am starting to see the production value of this record for what it seems to be: outstandingly produced, tight, poppy, out front like a great sip of wine. I am no oenophile, but I am thinking that this song is going to go over well with the wine crowd. Soft harmonies are layered in over mellow leads, driven along by that signature drive. I sense hints of 1970’s pop bands like Seals and Croft and Wings in the fabric, pushed by sentimental lyrics of a possibly unrequited or doomed springtime love story. “My bandages were fresh and clean, they had just been replaced/my blood was in my veins where they belonged.” Near the end, Bluhm sings of having to leave Jess, like a dream, perhaps as a nod to the vagabonding life of music and it’s needy mistress, the road.

The fourth track, Lion and the Bull, starts out as a five beat, clap slapping anthem, similar to what Foghat would sound like if played through a cloud of helium. For some reason, I immediately think of the 1988 Oakland A’s baseball team, the one that lost to the damned Dodgers in that October’s World Series thanks in part to gimp-hero Kurt Gibson’s clenched fist, pinch hit homerun. Fuck the Dodgers.

This is a “Greg Song”, the first of the record, best as I can tell. Greg Songs are notable in that he usually sings alone until the chorus, which tend to be coated in the sweet harmonies that Blumn and Loiacono have mastered, but also in that the subject matter of his songs tend towards the mystical. Not always, but at times. The theme of this song is had to ascertain upon first listen. “I aim low, with my horns right through your soul/I know I’m slow/so stubborn and slow.”

Lion and the Bull seems like it might be about a relationship – ruminating on the give and take that occurs within, and about what the next step might be. Those who subscribe to Wilco fanzines will absolutely love this song; it has that Yankee Hotel Foxtrot urban snap to it.

The Mother Hips, backstage. Photo by Andrew Quist

The Mother Hips, backstage. Photo by Andrew Quist


One Way Out starts out by painting a frustrating road scene. Broke down for the first time, a long way from the next town. Blumn sings in his honey-toned vibrato as the guitars jangle along in a poppy rock meter. As with many Hips songs, to their credit, one hears elements of long forgotten riffs. Here a George Harrison high pitched slide, there a Joe Walsh walk down, perhaps a slack guitar note from Don Ho thrown in as an accent. There is one way out. I am not sure what it is, or if it ever gets decided on, but that is for future study, and another reason that I love to listen to this band. Earlier I mentioned that their songs have served as a sort of songbook for my life, and something tells me that this song will eventually hit me at exactly the right time, giving some comfort when one of life’s inevitable breakdowns occur.

All In Favor goes sixth on Pacific Dust. It starts slow and mellow with a simple campfire strum and an easygoing lead working together. This song is a tune ostentatiously about the democratic process of making music, methinks, and serves in a way as a lovely sentimental self-portrait. “So we got ourselves a van/took it all across the land/ till one day on five we caught on fire/yeah, just like our egos/we took a vote and raised our hands up high/we’ll do this till we die/all in favor, say aye.”

Whoa. A direct rip at some unknown ski resort is thrown in, and throws me slightly off. I can relate, having spent a decade in one of those, struggling every day to remain as the bulldozers ate away at the native ground surrounding the resorts. The Hips once made a habit of touring the Rocky Mountain ski areas in a whirlwind string of blazing rock shows. It was in one of these that I saw my first mosh pit break out at a Hips show, which, if you know the band, is sort of comical. Note to self: Find out which obnoxious ski resort Greg had in mind when penning this beautiful balladic number. My guess, selfishly, is Vail. God I hope its Vail. Fuck Vail. Really….

And now for an upping of the previous dose of WHOA, interjected only after a second listen whilst on a mid-review, 10 pm run out to an abandoned military base where I was going to meet up with some amateur exorcists in an effort to walk through long-darkened barracks in search of “hostile demons” for a story that I am writing. Halfway there, the college kids who called me chickened out of having me on hand to chronicle their exploits, a bad sign for those dealing with much harsher demons than that of the local entertainment press, I proffer, as I roll back to the beachside abode and refocus on the task at hand.

The second WHOA moment that I speak of here is not even about the above tangent, however. No, this is about a lyric that I plucked from All In Favor in mid-drive home. There are several characters listed in the course of the song, strange sounding dudes whom a casual listener might think perhaps are just imaginative creations meant to fit the song. But there it is, near the end of All In Favor. Along with “Spider John”, “Pistol Pete” is lyrically named, presumably as a source of nostalgia, and I fucking know Pistol Pete, like far too well! I lived with that cat for two years in a dingy hovel populated by large dogs, baseball players, free-range chickens and various reoccurring personalities of indeterminate criminal status. In fact I have Pistol Pete to thank for introducing me to the band, as well as teaching me how to play guitar. When the wind is right, I can still hear Pete slurring out an affected, angry plea to “play some Stones!” at Hips shows BITD.

He was given the nickname due to his habit of getting trashed and passing out on the band’s Chico porch back in the early 90’s, where he would proceed to forego direct control over his waterworks from time to time to time. I last saw him a year ago participating in a professional whiffle ball game in Pleasanton, and he had not changed a bit. That dude will flip the hell out if her hears this.

And now the seventh song of the seventh record, the title track, Pacific Dust. Starting in space, Pacific Dust, the song, gathers itself gradually, reveals itself initially in tone to be the blood-sister song to Bluhm’s Cow Hollow Blues from his epic solo effort House of Bluhm, until a punching mad trio of synched guitars and Paul Hoaglin’s growling bass drop the karmic hammer, and splattering out in all directions is a surprising cacophony of classic psychedelia, followed by an orderly John Hofer high hat, bass drum place setting. That brief moment of calm gets energetically trumped by a pissed off, resolute-sounding Bluhm urging a deep-toned string of leaving-time explanationaries.

For the past year, the Hips have taken to playing sets specifically inclined towards psychedelic experimentation, and the results have been positively inspiring. This song seems an obvious benefactor of the stripping of the mores of pop/rock or country rock that the band has adhered to for a majority of their history, especially after starting off with a fundamental urge to jam back when they burned their first strings.

Now free once more to improvise, Pacific Dust ranges in mean sweeps and smooth caroms, ultimately feeling like a multi-stage, rocketing space launch.

The chorus of Pacific Dust, the song, comes on like a sudden, swinging, sliding, shirt-tearing, nose smashing street fight. At this point I begin to dance and yell into the otherwise quiet house here on a gloomy day in Monterey. I yell so loud that my old dog, Bear, who is about 95% deaf, bolts up from his rainy day bed and starts howling out of blind allegiance. The cat flies off the bookshelf and takes off in a desperate run for the bed, where he hides underneath, red eyed and worried.

Meanwhile my wife comes running from the kitchen with a piping hot tuna casserole in her mitted hands, a look of concern etched across her face upon entry into my cluttered office. But within seconds of her entry, I’ve got her hopping around with me, rocking out in her apron and pigtails like some Polish hippy chef with a penchant for boogying down with a pile of hot fish meat in hand.

The song has more hooks than a smithy’s tool shed, more changes than the congressional record, more surprises than a Wes Anderson film. It ends in the strangest of fashions, swirling away in a detaching metallic dirge that bends the mind and troubles the air.

And immediately we launch into the pop rock styling of Young Charles Ives. After the lock-step guitars run off a nifty opening riff, this tune takes on a familiar feel. It charges forward at times in the one-two-three syncopation seen before in a pair of older Hips number such as Do it On the Strings, and Tired Wings.

Dressed in prim vocal harmonies, and pressed on at times by guest player Jackie Greene’s light organ work and a moody string bit that suggests a Beatlesesque sensibility, Young Charles Ives is a compelling story song in the strong tradition of Mother Hips story songs. When history turns its narrow beam on this band twenty, fifty, even a hundred years from now, I believe that the lasting characteristic of these musicians will have been their ability to tell intelligent, heartfelt stories of people great and small in such a way that multiple entendres can take the listeners interpretation in a myriad directions.

The Mother Hips, photo by Andrew Quist

The Mother Hips, photo by Andrew Quist


Young Charles Ives tells the tale of a father and son finding musical connectivity together, and ultimately the emptiness of going it alone. “He came into the house and yelled “how do they make that sound?”/sat down at the piano and he tried/but the music that he captured, outside above the rain/set his mind a reeling/outside the bells kept dealin’” There is a beautifully quiet, orchestral and guitar jangle interlude that lasts for just a few moments near the end that might just well be one of the most impressive, ambitious moments on the entire record.

(Editors note – this and the following song are the only post-Original Listen edits that I am allowing myself.) Freedom is a regular theme in the bands canon, specifically in Bluhm’s work. The eight track, Are You Free is perhaps the kin of “I Can’t Stay”, an excellent, devastating older Hips tune that never made it onto an album release (it was a b-side on the Third Floor Story single) in which the protagonist was a male voice lamenting a former love who he might have seen on the highway.

Are You Free is a pained, yearnful story that mines a similar vein. I was at first quite harsh in my review of this song, perhaps thrown by two instrumental aspects of Are You Free, the drum tempo and a hammy synth fill. But now, after a few more passes at it, those snitty complaints fade away like distant thunder, and it is due to the deeply philosophical weight of the words that Bluhm sings, or rather asks of his muse – the homemaking wife, the one who may not have lived the whole of her potential. “Julie married up and away she did go/her husband has to work/and she’s often at home/everything that she wished for is right here at home/she stares out of the kitchen window/Are you free?”

The tune is led by a very forward break beat expertly laid down by Hofer, who has been called “The Human Metronome” for good reason. The guitars come on fast and mellow, giving way to a Tom Petty-like note pattern that reminds me in a good way of “You Got Lucky”.

Those lyrics strike a thirty-something nerve, and they get even better from there. I am sort of dissapointed that I didn’t really listen to them when I blasted the synth bits that serve to recast parts of the song as an 80’s nod to the Miami Vice soundtrack, which I love by the way, but not as a modern release. And I think that is an important aspect to this song that I did not quite think about or get at first glance. This might actually be the first smartly, subtly purposeful 80’s-era sound that the Hips have attempted, or anyone for that matter. And if you are going to break new ground, why not do it by digging a little in the old ground to see what you can use? Someday, even Civic’s will be classics…

Bandit Boy follows. And you know, I originally wrote here that the song fell short to me. And by doing so, I believe that it did give me a sideways tilt in that first listen. But since then I have listened to it a few times, and I think that I want to amend my first thought on it. This, my friends, is a truly powerful, even deviously mean song with strong, if slightly high concept imagery.

It is an up-tempo, slide heavy guitar rock song with a seriously heavy bottom and a killer breakdown,
There is a very southern rock feel to this song, and post-listen I am left wanting a handlebar mustache, an asspocket full of high wine and a shrink, and I am not sure if that is a good thing. That said, I do think that this song will grow on me, as it already churns with full rock fury and in fact may be one of those songs that comes across way better as a live number than as a studio release, a phenomenon that is not at all uncommon with the Mother Hips.

And finally, the eleventh tune. The closer. The one that will set the tone for the next record, which I am sure that the loyal devotees of the Hips have already started to yearn for. Clocking in at 7:36, Cheer Up Champ is the longest song to grace a Hips record in years. This is a different kind of song, spacey, ethereal, dreamy, and highly polished. Almost “soul” in nature and attitude, it too harkens back to the time before computers and robots and cell phone vibrators. From where I sit, its hard to tell if it’s a ballad, a bed time story, or a movement in psychedelia. Perhaps it is all three. The closest thing that I can think of to it is the song Motorhome. If, that is, Motorhome was taken out of the cottenwood canyons and deposited on the city streets, recast in a blue tone and fueled with a mixture of mescaline and Quaaludes.

There is a searing guitar solo that is fat and smart all at once, and harmonies to spare. This is a great track and an excellent closing number, ala Seaward Song and In This Bliss from past records.

Pacific Dust is a solid, rocking, if ambitious new record by the Mother Hips. This band has not once in their career chosen to stand pat and regurgitate their material. Instead, they have made careers out of shifting gears, attempting to push the boundaries that were pioneered by their own influences while maintaining their signature humility, grace, and eponymous skill. This is a band of men who are comfortable in their own skin, and gaining a sense of self-reflection as they forge ahead. If Kiss The Crystal Flake was a record about the phenomenon of time, then Pacific Dust is a record about making music, and it is a powerful, varied study on the process.

For those looking to see the Hips break out with a mainstream effort that will finally gain them the widespread exposure that they so clearly deserve, I do not think that this is going to be that record. This band is simply (and selfishly, given the state of commercial radio: thankfully) not made for radio, despite the fact that they have, in my opinion, many times over written some of the best rock songs in the past twenty years.

And to that dizzying list they add a few more off of Pacific Dust. Both the title track and White Falcon Fuzz are sick in very healthy ways, and may well serve as contemporary hits after all, although more likely via games like Rock Star or through cinematic soundtracks, for which, by the way, this band is a freaking gold mine. More likely, this record will further connect the far reaches of the audiosphere via hard work out on the long road, and the word of mouth from one fan to the next, earned one show, one record spin at a time, at that perfect time.

Third Floor Story, at long last, gets its place of prominence, though one might argue that the song would have fit better sequentially within earlier records such as Shootout or Part Timer Goes Full. But those times are indeed past, and I am beyond stoked to see it appear on this record. Cheer Up Champ is a stellar new song as well, and many of the others stand out as individually solid new songs.

I cannot help but think that there is here a song, maybe two, that might have been eschewed in favor of some long buried treasures such asLoup Garou, or the now-uncovered but unreleased rippers Desert Song or Mountain Time, or even a few recently released singles such as Childish Dreams, Colonized, or Blue Tomorrow. That may come off as a snitty, fanboy complaint, and I will own that if that is what it is. And who knows what contractual obligations exist therein? And who am I to question anything, anyways?

Pacific Dust moves the Mother Hips legacy forward and makes long, maturing strides musically and lyrically. Most importantly, Pacific Dust is a brilliant, seriously fun record.

As the New Yorker said so succinctly, the Mother Hips “sing it sweet and play it dirty”, to which I might add that they continue to relish in defining themselves on their own terms, with innovative, timeless music.

C.A.
Marina, CA
10-14/15-09

IMG_0564
Union Reunion

I have a beard stiffened by ripened Copenhagen drool
a time-worn concert shirt peppered with treadless patches
my sandals splotched with old navajo white paint droplets
and these ragged cargo shorts are muddied all about

My nose is clogged with dust and grim of dead worm
my back betrays the weight of it’s world
a hat for water and other sun sports, flagged and tagged
red eyes which swell at this deepening scene

On a pontoon full of dope, buzzed mildly, instant fun
a crew of oldening hellions decamped ashore
this Union reunion, this glad time in life
for laughter to gourd more, to echo celestially

This is God’s mouth, the lips are stones reflected
agape and yawning at triviality
four moons to sail amidst their worlds
here where no matter matters, no way

C. Madison Anderson
Union Reservoir, CA
9.10.09

The Pacific Grove saga of Sparky’s Root Beer renaissance.
By Corby Anderson

It started out as a refreshing experiment, conceived in the mind of a constant tinkerer and brewed in a backyard kettle. Once formulated, the elixir found a dedicated local customer base the old-fashioned way – handed from its creators, Kevin and Carol Knox of Pacific Grove, to local consumers, one frothy mug at a time.

The Knoxes are both second-generation Pagrovians with deep roots in the local hospitality business. They met, ironically, at Carol’s job, the Fishwife Restaurant, Kevin perhaps taken by her customer service (she’s won the prestigious Papa Vince Award, given to the top service worker in the area every year by the Monterey County Hospitality Association—as well as California State Employee of the Year, Front of House Category).

Over time, Kevin, then a restaurant manager with an eye for a future play of his own, saw a trend of micro-brew pubs bubbling up successfully around the country. With an open mind, a mail order beer-making kit, and a trusty hydrometer, Kevin began experimenting with home brewing. The results of his backyard lab proved to be popular with both the Knoxes’ friends and beer judges alike. Knox Brewing was born, and a steady stream of award-winning ales poured forth.

Kevin was inspired by the enthusiastic reception that his creations garnered, but noticed a rather large market was going untapped. “I don’t drink much, really, and I wanted to make something for the kids and my other non-drinking friends to enjoy,” he says. “Raspberry soda was first, then cranberry apple.”

He made his first batch using a living yeast.

“We had a buddy getting married, so we put the original Sparky’s into a big double champagne magnum and gave it to him as a wedding gift,” he says. “He kept the bottle, and on the first anniversary he invited us over, and when he popped the cork the carbonation had built up so much that the cork flew over the telephone pole and landed several blocks away.”

The cork’s arc could well describe the path that Sparky’s has taken since. “Sparky’s was born from a series of experiments, accidents, luck, and persistence,” Carol says. “Once we started honing in on a winning recipe, we had a built-in tasting panel right here,” she says, referring to their three daughters, who now all live in L.A. Batch #115 was the unanimous winner.

“We kind of had a feeling that we were about to make a breakthrough,” Kevin recalls, “and it was like, ‘Now we have finally achieved the flavor and taste that we wanted.’”

The quality of their product today is clear, from its velvety texture to its brilliant and uncloudy amber color, its full-flavored aroma to its balance of creaminess and caramel with vanilla, honey, and birch root spices.

Sparky’s namesake is the late family cat, a beloved assistant brewer who bestowed the new brew upon the Knoxes’ friends and family on holiday occasions, to rave reviews. When it came time to take the product to the public, the name stuck; Sparky’s made its debut at the 2000 Good Old Days Festival.

“We [the five Knoxes] all had matching t-shirts and a banner,” Carol recalls. “We sold a ton of root beer, and people really loved it.”

Seeking a regular audience, Knox Brewing found a perfect venue for its draught at the Tuesday Farmers Market in Monterey. A root-beer-float partnership with nearby Joe Smith of Carmel Creamery soon followed.

• • •

As many home brewers have found, creating a great product and getting it out to the public en masse are two distinct battles.

“We were bottling in Carmel Valley, in 95 degree heat,” Carol says, “and we just said, ‘We need help!’”

Ultimately, the solution came when the Knoxes worked out an arrangement with Coast Range Brewing Company, formerly of Gilroy. Kevin brewed batches of Sparky’s in CRBC’s large, steel “unitanks,” and Coast Range did the bottling with its equipment, a process that greatly increased production.

But the Knoxes still needed to get their beer to more lips.

“We had the attitude that we had been at it for nine years, and we had to follow it where it led us,” Kevin says.

Providence intervened in the form of Compagno’s Deli proprietor and indy soda fan Bennett Compagno, who had made a habit out of selling unique sodas at his shop on Prescott Avenue in Monterey. He made a call to his vendor, Danny Ginsburg of Real Soda.

The rendezvous was an ominous one, straight out of a corporate espionage novel, Carol recounts. “It was a cold, dark, foggy night. We met in Compagno’s parking lot,” she says. “Danny took one sip and put the cap in his pocket. Then his eyes bugged out, and he turned up the whole 22-ounce bottle of Sparky’s and chugged it down. I thought, I guess he likes it!”

The partnership has been a boon to business: Sparky’s Root Beer is now sold across the West in markets, grocery stores, BevMo outlets, and is starting to make inroads back East. Success hasn’t gone to their heads – Kevin still delivers cases around Central California, and remains a fixture at the Farmers Market every week. And his old experimental gene remains active.

“I am tinkering with a cream soda and some other ideas, but it really takes a long time to get the ingredients just right,” he says.

“And we set the bar really high with Sparky’s,” adds Carol, “so anything we make now is going to have to be really great to make the grade.”

With that she gives her husband a knowing glance, the kind of look that implies something new is brewing.

SPARKY’S ROOT BEER is available at fine local markets and stores such as Compagno’s Deli, Star Market, Bottles and Bins, Bruno’s Market, BevMo, Save Mart and Nob Hill and dozens of fine local restaurants.649-0529 or visit http://www.sparkysrootbeer.com

Strange but true real-world dramas play out on local football fields.
By Corby Anderson

A young star is slowed – not by an opponent, but a gun shot. A team decimated by injury forfeits a game because JV players refuse to move up; a year later, those players round out the slimmest varsity roster in the area. And a blue-chip lineman would rather talk sharks than blocking schemes. So go three of the area’s many high-school storylines, where on-field drama is often elevated by the intrigue off it.

• • •

Ask Monterey High Coach Tom Newton about his star athlete, speedy outside linebacker-running back Joey Christensen, and he marvels at the senior’s ability to rebound from adversity. And for good reason. Christensen has seen more misfortune in a minute than most see in a lifetime.

A little more than a year ago, Joey and his brother Daniel were shot by an unidentified assailant at their own house during a party. Joey was shot once in the chest and again in the abdomen.

“He was on the verge of death,” Newton says. “We didn’t know if he would make it through the night.”

Christensen pulled through the tragedy and is making up for lost time on the football field.

“Joey is a tough-nosed kid,” Newton says. “He’s back to where he was last year [before the shooting], and we are excited. We’re going to feature him as one of our main backs in our offense.”

Monterey uses the simple, efficient, and at times maddening (for opposing defenses) veer offense, in which multiple options are available to run the ball, usually with just a few plays repeated throughout the entire season.

Last season, the Toreadores went 9-3 and plowed two games deep into the Central Coast Section playoffs. This year they hope to improve on that result, and a big reason why is their recuperated star, Christensen. As Newton says: “Where he goes, we go, and we expect to go far.”

• • •

Any captain of industry will tell you the same thing: While it is not preferable, sometimes you’ve got to dip into your reserves to keep the ball rolling.

Coaching football is no different.

Stevenson High School Coach Germano Diniz held out as long as he could in the ’08 season. Due to graduation and other factors, his squad started out woefully small, with only 19 players on the starting roster, 12 of them seniors. By mid-season, injuries whittled the Pirates down to just 12 (who themselves were visibly gutting out injuries of their own), meaning everybody had to play offense and defense and almost nobody had a backup.

When Diniz tried to bolster his roster with reserves from the well-stocked, successful JV program, several players declined because they felt they weren’t ready to play with the more physical varsity opponents. Parents sided with their sons. As a result, the varsity team had to forfeit a game versus Greenfield due to lack of players, which resulted in having the JV game canceled too.

Now, in 2009, Diniz will guide those very same JV players who have now matured a year and stepped up to the varsity squad, led by impressive new starting QB Tom Stivers and jitterbug RB Jeffery Goodman. With last year’s drama behind them, the Pirates hope to prove that the JV team’s success last year will translate into varsity wins this season. But they still will suit up only 22 players.

• • •

Football players are often unfairly mischaracterized as lumbering oafs. But one local plus-sized player is proof positive that his helmet is filled with potent synapses.

Salinas High School senior right tackle Chandler Hubbard sports both a stellar GPA to match his A-plus game. Major college football programs such as USC, Cal, Notre Dame, Florida State and Georgia are closely following every pancake block and thwarted blitz the 6’4”, 270-pound tackle makes. To get the three-year starter, though, they will have to prove that they can provide a powerhouse education.

Hubbard wants to apply his considerable scholastic aptitude in the field of marine biology, specifically sharks. “I want to study their behavior – what their mindset is in the ocean,” he says. “Why do great whites migrate so far? Why do bull sharks have three times more testosterone than any other sharks?” He aims to play four years of college football, then head to New Zealand to do his post-graduate work at the prestigious University of Queensland, where students study white shark behavior off Seal Island.

Cowboy head coach Steve Goodbody lights up when he speaks of Hubbard. “Chandler is an excellent athlete with really quick feet, which is key for a tackle in an option offensive scheme,” he says. “He’s a well-rounded kid – one who stars in the classroom and on the field.”

His approach rubs off. “[Chandler] has a very strong work ethic,” Goodbody says. “He challenges himself all the time, and he is a real leader. A lot of kids coming look to him for how to do things.”

Hubbard will be happy to help the Cowboys get back into the playoffs. Last year’s CCS semifinal loss to Wilcox has left a bitter taste in his mouth. “[The Tri-County League] is a tough division – they call it the Black and Blue Division,” he says. “I want to win it, and hopefully get a chance to play Wilcox again. This time I want to beat them, and now I know how.”

1195437989469106298liftarn_Police_brutality.svg.hi*Note, this letter is in response to a recent story about a tussle between a drinker and a cop at a bar in Basalt, Colorado. The story, by Scott Condon, can be found here:

http://www.aspentimes.com/article/20090831/NEWS/908319980&parentprofile=search

(all references to AK-47, Sev, and Bruno come from a story several years ago, when a customer took offense to the 7-11 clerks Border Patrol cap and fired into the store later on. Luckily, no one was hit.)

Editor:

Regarding recent Bistro belligerence, it seems to me that we have a situation that further shows the town of Basalt to actually be a fairly calm, mellow place, give or take an occasional AK-47 attack on the Sev.

For example, here in the Central Valley of California, where I have somehow washed up as some tide-spat economic detritus, the 5-0 (cops, in Colorado-speak) would never come into a bar without a prison riot squad leading the way, and for good reason.

The Sureno’s and Norteno’s have displaced the Crips and Bloods as the Gang de Jour out here, and they’ve set up shop at every dingy speak easy from Gilroy to Paso Robles. The other night I went to play bingo at my neighborhood pub, Mortimer’s, and witnessed no less than twenty felony acts of hooliganism, including the unfortunate rape of an innocent artichoke.

Here, the heat knows that the concept of community policing went out the door the minute that teenager’s started turning up shot through with more holes than the Bronco’s D-line. The gangs here are sadists, unreasonable killers of man who would just as soon wave to a cop walking through his bar as he would shoot him, and everyone else in it.

So be glad, Basalt. Be glad that your cops ride bikes and wear slacks and not tactical battle armor to do their mellow rounds. Old Lou down at the Colorado gate can tackle the highway trash with his tanks and artillery platoons. But beware the creep of these southern gangs. They make the fool who took offense to Bruno’s truck stop Border Patrol hat look like the Gang Who Couldn’t Shoot Straight.

And for you, Guy Who Sat at the Bar Howling at the Cops About Some Rancid Old Beef: Bravo! It is a free country yet, and there is no better box from which to lather your deepest protestations than a barstool… Especially one with hot trout nearby. (Which, by the way, as this gent proved, also serves as your last anchor in times of real trouble. Never give up your stool freely – even if the brutes are smacking hell out of your weary armpits)

Corby Anderson
Marina, California
9-2-09

Hang Time With Corby Anderson
8-18-08

Going Once! Going Twice!! (Uh Oh…) Sold to the Riff Raff in the Rose Hill Drive Sweatshirt!

Darla wants the ‘Vette. It is low-slung, sleek and black with matching numbers. A grey bearded country crooner once owned it, she has heard rumors that he used to drive it naked down Sunset, it’s cockpit spilling over with the immense talent that LA has to offer. But more importantly to Darla, it matches her Otter purse and Dammit Jim (her husband – full name, apparently) she wants this ‘Vette!

But want means nothing in this cave of desire, and Darla is but one of many lustful suitors. To win the chance to park this bad mama in her hanger Darla is going to have to dip into the Trust. The call goes out. The auction barker prattles on with a machine gun staccato framed elegantly with the requisite English wit and sensibility while Darla scrambles her accountants to intercept the 1967 L-88 Stingray. This one is going to cost a cool mil, if this is her lucky day.

The speculators keep driving up the prices to new levels, and Darla keeps getting outbid by translucent white (clear?) men who wear egg colored sweaters tied around their necks and gold rimmed bifocals on their sculpted noses. I watch, fascinated by the roar of a hotly contested auction, but slightly terrified by the very distinct possibility that with one unguarded moment, my own arm might jam upwards while leading an unplanned revolt, an unreasonable coup against sanity and fiscal solvency. The children of my children’s children quiver in their future cribs.

To mitigate this possibility, I have anchored my arms down with two drinks, a formerly American beer (rhymes with Belguimese carpet bagging National Identity Thieves) and a whiskey back. In recognition of the scope of this potential problem early on, I made my waitress swear that she would not let me finish a cocktail without reloading another stone into my catapults. So far so good. With a total of $7.07 in the bank and an empty tank to get home on, I am in no shape to buy a luxury sports car, or even a commemorative t-shirt.

The Russo and Steele automobile auction thunders away deep in the bowels of the Monterey Marriot ballroom. The ceiling is low and the ventilation is non-existent, and all around the upper-upper class crowd (even the auto journalists, it would seem) the sweet breath of carbon monoxide whispers muted hints of a quiet death. As a professional AV man, I am on a scouting mission. The hotel that I work for is a rival, and my mission is to scope out the swaging, the lighting, the tangles of steel truss that hoist wide screen monitors. But as I enter the heavily guarded ballroom and hear a perfectly preserved 1969 Hemi Cuda fire up it’s loping big block, that mission gets shelved. Call it a CDD. Corby Deficit Disorder. Few things burn up my task list like a room full of classic muscle cars.

The foggy night has spit me out of it’s slow dim calm, into a bathhouse scene of chrome and steel, flashing leather and gold. The room throbs. The crowd surges ahead to each vehicle as it thunders out onto the viewing area, their silver hair glinting like sea foam caressing pearl laden oysters.

Unusually mindful of the flippancy of my upper appendages, I saddle up next to a middle aged white man who has become engaged, firmly locked in with an auction runner. The runner waves his arms towards the podiums where the barkers spew a stream of conscious patter. The runner jukes and jives, his rear arm raised and his fore arm extended towards the gentlemen next tome like a football referee who is targeting an offending sinner.

“75, 75, I’ve got 75, now 80. THIS CAR WILL SELL! The reserve is off! 81 81 81 81 81 82, 82 82 83….” And on and on – a production that is accentuated by roving commentators who man wireless mics and chime in call and response style at selected moments like excitable boy band members. The bidding goes up, the numbers climbing higher on the high definition monitors which are fed by a laptop that a bored looking showgirl, complete with sequined prom dress, taps away at with impossibly long nails. My back itches at the sight, but my attention snaps back to the fevered pitch before me.

At the precipice of $100,000, the bidder next to me takes on a worried hesitancy. The runner cajoles him, rubs his shoulders, sooths his worried mind with sweeping gestures towards the prize and sweet talk of quiet time at the wheel, but the bidder has reached his limit, and ignores the beauty before him as it clips the super premium mark.

“Why did you stop there? How did you know the limit?” I ask. He tells me that it is just a feeling that he had, then mutters something about the lighting being too dim to see the detail on the quarter panel trim.

“Was it the number? A hundred grand? Did it spook you?”
“No. No” he laughs. “No. That Cuda is worth $150,000, easy. I could have bought it right up to that price and more if I believed in it. But I don’t. I don’t know…It just feels wrong. Like something isn’t right.”

The Cuda is fired up and maneuvers slowly off of the stage, driven by a very lucky teenager. The Batmobile follows. It is one of the Michael Keaton era movie cars. The crowd tilts and buzzes.

My neighbor mouths an unlit cigar and croons his neck to see over the grey tide. Ever curious about the one that got away, I press the question. “Will you buy a car this weekend?”

“Oh, yes. (chuckle, chuckle) Several.”

“What do you really want? What do you need?”

He thinks. “Well, there is this item that I would like to find. It’s rare, but there is one here. A ’70 Chevelle LS-6. SS. Hell of a car. I had one when I was just out of the Army. Fast bastard, the LS-6.”

He trails off, lost in the memory of a vivid time. Now, years later, he can afford to recreate it that feeling. I associate this look with a man who has unexpectedly seen his long lost love, his original partner in sin. What would such a man pay to spend another night with her, tracing rich smoke tendrils deep into the darkened country roads? What would any man? Or woman.

I glance over at Darla. Her ‘Vette went to a developer from Wyoming. Now she wants the Batmobile. You can see it in her exhausted eyes.

Corby Anderson writes Hang Time for the Aspen Daily News from a well-organized garage in Marina, California, where his first car, a bitchin’ 1972 Chevelle Malibu awaits an engine transplant.

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