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Greetings,

This prime strip of digital real estate is the online home of my collected works as a writer.  I am greatly honored that you would take the time to visit here and peruse my amusements. And that is what the stories listed in that little box to the right are -  amusements. I take keen joy in stitching a story together with quirky characters, sticky situations, and a steady stream of words that play well together. Whether I’ve ever accomplished any of those literary ambitions is certainly up for debate.

This site holds in it’s incomprehensible vaults a vast array of thoughts that I have, at some point in the past five years, captured. In that same time, just as many scenes, real or imagined, have slipped by unrecorded, or lost to the ages due to the complications involved in some dramatic revelations. I am glad that some of them made it to the “page,” as it were. And, actually, in some cases, I’ve been paid a pittance to craft a tale, though not as often as I would like.

To this date, the entire list of publications who have paid me actual money to create a story for them can fit on a drunken carpenters hand: consisting of the Aspen Daily News (who invited me to write a weekly sports column centering on the Roaring Fork valley of Colorado despite (a.) not living within 1000 mile of said valley, and (b.) not writing a word about actual sports for four months running, instead figuring that there might be some corollary between the random happenings that I ventured into on the road as a corporate AV man,)  a magazine called BEER, which touts itself (and proudly) as the “Maxim of beer publications,” and who refused to pay me the agreed upon rate for 8 months until I threatened to drive down to Dana Point and shake it out of the boozy buggers, and the Monterey County Weekly, a free entertainment weekly who at random times sends me on assignments that I swear are created just to see what carnage I might exact from a delicate situation.

If you are interested in a little exploratory reading, then there ought to be plenty drama for you to gander at here: Newspaper columns, magazine profiles, journals, music reviews, essays, book reviews and blurbs, press releases, poems and lyrics. If you like something that you read here, then by all means, please comment below it or repost the story in the bright light of your own special network. The way things work nowadays, a single well placed click can get an undiscovered story noticed overnight. I think that they call this phenomenon a “virus”, and for some reason, that is supposed to mean that it “spreads” in a good, healthy/productive way. These things confuse me to no end.

Right then. Enough with the blathering on. Have at it!

Yours in constant wonderment,

Corby Anderson

PS- And for GOD SAKES, please don’t call it a blog!

Marina, CA

2010

My walkin’ stick

*Note – This shortie was submitted to Outside Magazine for their Reader’s Essential Gear section of their upcoming 35th Anniversary Issue.

Of all of the various and sundry piles of adventure gear that I have owned over the past 40 years, I can think of no other that I absolutely feel naked in the outdoors with than my walkin’ stick.

Yep. You heard that right. Not my trusty Sierra Designs Meteor Light tent, with hundreds of nights to its register. Not my Benchmade knife. No, I’ve had others just as sharp. Not my Petzl headlight. It’s a replacement to the original one that got hucked into a frenzied crowd of a Mother Hips show in Big Sur during the devastating breakdown to their song “Magazine.” Not my Marmot puffy, Patagonia Micro Puff, or any of those things…

I cannot, would not go out in the outdoors without my old walkin’ stick. It’s an old six-foot Pinon pole, shaved of bark, whittled into a bear’s head at the top, pointy enough to fight off a Chupacabra attack on the business end.

My walkin’ stick walks me, you see. It calls to me in the night, whispering grand plans for morning hikes. It taps a bluesy rhythm all its own on the trail, keeping me on Corby Time. It balances me on rocky pitches and slick logs alike. It prods the Hondog when he lingers on a pile of coyote tung. Onward, it says. Further into the bush.

It’s just a walkin’ stick, but it’s my walkin’ stick, and I wouldn’t trade it for all the fancy store-bought sticks in the world.

Best Life I’ve Ever Found

Bring your fat skis
and your dancin shoes now girl
we got a mountain party goin’
damn near two foot o’ snow

Cah-la-rad-ooohh
You gotta gotta go
Champagne snow is falling down
and the beer is flowin’ on

I gotta warn you though girl
We got a po-li-ceeeee
No friends on powder days
We’ll meet in Sneakies Trees

Chorus:
If this snow keeps falling down
It’ll cover this crazy town
We’re all gonna get on down
It’s the best life I’ve ever found

 

Written by:

C. Madison Anderson

5-28-12

Emma, CO

Mother Hips – Back to the Grotto

Magic Johnson has AIDS and I am on several hits of high powered blotter acid. I have just witnessed multiple adult male people attacking one another in complex, swinging gate row movements with real swords and fully armored suits. I have seen the sky turn a particularly deep hue of orangebluegreenredvioletohmygodlookatthatcloud!

I am on a bicycle with wheels at least 300 feet tall, and I am peddling in oblong loops and weaving my way hazardously from the cool, viney park where the original Robin Hood was filmed to the relative safety of my dorm room at Craig Hall in Chico, California.

I am in love with a girl named Jay who has dropped out of school and who uses me to create fake printouts of her straight A grades. She keeps a blow up sex doll named “Nancy” in the window of her dorm room with a bottle of pills tapes to one hand, a set of fuzzy handcuffs lashed to the other, and a pair of wooden clothes pins snapped onto it’s rubbery nipples. She has come from Seattle and swears that her friends band “Nirvana” has a new record that is going to slay me. I counter with my Bay Area stand-by, Primus, but do not really impress.

I am intercepted by a crowd of rowdy freaks. I recognize most of them. They are dormies, a mixed crowd of Craig Hall jocks and a bunch of stoners from Bradley, the neighboring building. Now I am walking the other direction, back towards town. Backpacks brim with cold beers. Joints materialize and then disappear in a cloud of smoke. The late summer night air feels superheated. A tall girl with long, slick black hair leads us. We are going to a bar called Juanita’s.

The acid is wearing off, but I am fairly certain that Magic Johnson still has AIDS. I am standing outside of a packed burrito joint on a street corner in Chico, California. I do not wonder what I will be like in 20 years. I do not think about money, or work, or bills, or sick relatives. The only thing that I can see, the only thing that I can feel is the music that blares out of the open door to the business that I stand outside of.

I am 19 years old. My brother is 21, but I have lost his identification already and he won’t get me another. I cannot enter, a large person says sternly. I want to go in. I can see the backs of the band playing. A drummer is wedged into the window box, his dirty blond locks flinging sweat droplets that catch glimmers of stage wash as they sail by. He pounds on his tiny drum kit. Dominates it. I like that he smiles a lot when he looks off to the side. He seems cool, like the crowd from Bradley.

A weird, furry black Cossack hat juts out above the shoulders of the tall fellow in the middle. He is impossibly thin. His cloths are not like mine. His guitar looks old. His voice is deep and low and high and all over the place. The guitars wail together in a way that I have never heard. The band is slow and then fast. It is country. It is rock and roll.

I can see the pretty girls lining the front of the stage, swimming in their tank tops. I want IN. I am not an outsider here. This is my place. These are my people. I ask the large person again. He ignores me. A diversion is necessary.

I have many friends. The dorms are good like that. I see a girl that I know. She is Jay’s roommate. Her name is Bean. Bean, I ask. Can you do me a favor? Sure, she says. She is small like a bean. I am also somewhat in love with Bean. I am somewhat in love with every female in Chico, California, but Bean is pretty and likes The Black Crowes too. Bean, I need you to crash. Into a pole. Use this bicycle. Fall down and be hurt. I have to go inside. I have found my people. Bean, you are also one of my people. I didn’t mean it like that.

Bean crashes into a pole on my bicycle, falling down in a heap right in front of the door man. She moans in pain and does not wink at me. The large doorman is chivalrous. Bean sounds sexy when she moans.

I am IN. A friend hands me a pitcher of Sierra Nevada. I drink from it directly, thinking it is all for me. He laughs. I spill it when my legs go uncontrollable on me in a fit. They are driven by the bass line that is played by the jock hippy who lays down a driving rhythm. The singers join voices. They have Been Lost Once. The have Been Lost Twice. They will Probably Be Lost Again. Someone yells CHEEEEK-O. The crowd screams. I scream.

I am IN. These are my people. I have never been out on that curb since.

God Bless The Mother Hips.

Corby Anderson
Emma, CO
May 23, 2012

http://labs.topspin.net/downloadanywhere/confirm.php?sessionid=18799dbba35458845130b145c01abadc&fb=1

The Circle Cliffs at Sunset.

Calm revelry. The solemnness of plenty…plenty space; plenty scenery; plenty nourishment of body and soul; plenty libations – perhaps too much at times. Like last night, when I went deep into my cups of whiskey and put a meteoric dent into my stash of beer, while all but polishing off the pint of brown German liquor in a feel-good, guitar-molesting celebration of the past winters’ demise.

I slept well and warm and deep into the late morning – waking only out of bladder-damning urgency and finally rising only when “The Blue Moon,” my crusty old Sierra Designs tent became too hot to ignore or wallow in any longer.

A bluebird Utah spring morning awaited me. The sky is now swept with high, thin clouds that I saw form seemingly from the crosshatched etchings of morning jet traffic o’erhead. Yesterdays winds have died down into soft, friendly breezes that remind me of perfect summer days on a baseball field or fishing with my father on a creek in Northern California. The wispy gusts are barely enough to turn the pages of an upturned book sitting atop my kit box. Good thing too. I am intent on whiling today away in relaxed thought, reading from a selection of books and magazines that I ‘ve brought along for just the occasion. Some people have Hawaiian beaches or Vegas pools to read by, but I prefer to soak in words amongst the hot rocks, high crows, slumbering snakes and time-stuck junipers of the Utah desert.

My library lives in a canvas bag given to me by the Back of Beyond Bookstore in Moab some years ago when I bought a few Abbey’s. For a long time it held my tangle of bungees and ratchet straps, all necessary for boating and camping excursions. It has now been restored as a proper book sack, but somehow I don’t think that it minded its old occupation at all. In it are books like Steve Earle’s “Nobody Gets Out of Here Alive,” The Short Stories of Earnest Hemingway, Selected Poetry of Robinson Jeffers (an old favorite normally left at home due to its enormous heft, but brought along on this trip to better mentally prepare me for next month’s journey to Jeffers’ hangout – Big Sur, CA), “Beyond the Wall”, by Cactus Ed Abbey, and other self-help books like “The Ultimate Desert Survival Guide,” “Camping’s Top Secrets” (frustratingly out of date and off base in back country principle at times) and a four-wheel-drive guidebook for Southeast Utah which is useless on this leg of the trip as it appears that I am officially now in Southcentral Utah by guidebook standards, along with the Utah Gazetter almanac map book, Monday’s Aspen Times (mostly read and put to use as fire starter by now) and another hopeful tome – The Holy Bible, by God.

This bible is the very same blue-jacketed version that I’ve had since pre-puberty. Grossly, I should point out that at the age of 12, with nowhere safe to hide such things, I attempted to preserve my first visible pubic hair in the sanctified pages of my personal bible. I was aware of history even at a young age, it appears (but not of deep irony, it also appears.) This is the same book that nearly started an Anderson family war the last time that I visited my parents in Ohio, when my mother insisted that I take my old book back into personal possession after years of sitting dusty and unread on their shelves. I bullheadedly refused to take the book with me when I was to return home, accepting only after it was clear that I had deeply offended mom’s constitution.

***

The canyon wrens chitter and chirp as they flash up and down the cantaloupe walls of the Circle Cliffs, sheer and scalloped, pocked with holes that hide their nests. A pair of large crows cruise the thermals high above the cannonade, watching me watch them. Their caws pinball off of the canyon walls, quadrupling their number in an echoing fade.

All is bright and warm and perfectly ordered on the desert floor. The ancient junipers quiver lightly at their spindly tops while their stone dead brethren lie below in grotesquely twisted silver and black poses. The pinon pine holds firm against the transient breezes, but grow imperceptibly towards skies that hold no aide.

Occasionally, a bee will buzz by, launching the otherwise docile Hondog into scurrying, snapping flights of fancy. If he were an Indian dog – which his ancestors surely were – his owner might call him Bee Dancer. I just call him Dummy.

The desert flies are springing to life before my eyes. Each day we are visited by more and more of them, though never too many of them. Yet.

Somewhere within a ten-foot radius of my camp chair, a small green scorpion skulks. I rousted him last night when I collected an old juniper branch for my fire. Putting myself in the tiny shoes of the scorpion I realize that I must have been a terror to it – an inexplicable giant coming from out of nowhere, effortlessly lifting away his hallowed home. Now I fear his retaliatory nature, especially when stoned and of a mind to remember such things as vengeful beasts in the dirt.

Sage, cactus of a dozen varieties, ephedra, cheatgrass, yucca and other unidentified flora appear to be emerging from their own winters dormancy. The first big rain storm will likely catalyze this place into a raging bloom. Already the small white flowers of the cliff gardens are shimmering in the sun. The soil here is a rich rust. It turns brown only when churned by foot traffic of the blade of my shovel.

Deer, elk, and rabbit scat are everywhere, as are cow pies. The topography is greatly pleasing to the mind. Short, rolling barrancas carved by drainages formed by eons of runoff build in height until they meet the sweeping cliff base crown of vertical stone spires. The lung-colored spires are long, tall extruded rectangles of sand stone, segmented by shadowy cracks and topped with uncanny facial forms that change personality with the shifting of the sun. The watching wall. It curls to the east, behind me now, for a mile of two until it runs into the Oyster Shell Reef section of the Capitol Reef National Park, which in turn bisects the Waterpocket Fold.

This is heaven. My angels are wrens with harp string wings. My gates bear no pearls, but rather a wall of red stone. God is a scorpion looking for a new home… or a giant to sting.

The pebbled dirt road underfoot is dampened to the point of congealed saturation. A morning storm has cast its long shadow over this sunless Sunday morning. This after a day of intermittent storms chased us from easy chair to the relatively confined shelter of the truck several times since sun up.

It is not so much the rain, you see, for that is mostly a refreshment in the nearly 100° late summer heat of Southeastern Utah. But rather, it is the random, bold swaths of lightening that have chased us from our idyll. Hondo the dog has spent most of the past 24 hours – only the second day that he has ever spent in the desert – cowering in a black, hairy ball atop of Sharon’s retro puffy ski vest in the back of the land cruiser. There were not many thunder storms in Monterey, California, where he spent the first three years of his existence. And it’s a damn good thing too: the one storm that I recall lit the entire South Coast region afire and threatened to take out Big Sur in its entirety.

This is our first desert camp, officially, in about three years – a shocking gap of time to me. There was a trip four years ago to the Utah/Colorado border, but required a 1500 mile jaunt each way with less than a week all told to do it in. Now, I am back living in the Colorado mountains. Getting here is just a half day drive. I thank the lords of spare time for the chance to do it. This is my place.

The coffee has finished brewing. It is an instant mix that I am sure will taste thick and alkaline compared to the luxury of the French Roast at home, but a nice cup of warm joe sounds appealing under these moody morning skies. Especially with a little brown liquor as a sweetener. Nothing like a good strong cup of coffee before a long walk…

 

Image

Joel Belmont, at the bellows during a Labia Project photoshoot in San Francisco.

*This previously unpublished story was commissioned as the prologue to a book of photography by my friend and incredible photographer, Joel Belmont. As the subject matter is pretty, er, different, Joel thought that I would be the perfect observational writer to put his project into perspective. Joel’s book, The Labia Project, is an awareness-raiser in a concerted effort to put an end to a terrible practice known as Female Genital Mutilation. He hopes to publish it sometime this year.

 

Prologue

On a remarkably clear, beautiful summer day in San Francisco’s Tenderloin District, boisterous crowds of social activists march and carry on in an impressive show of support for their common cause. It is a day for both emotional protest and wild celebration. The prior for the ongoing persecution that has united these people and sparked a movement, and the latter for the improvements to the situation that have finally been made after years of bitter struggle.

Above the teeming throngs, three floors up in a modest suite of the Opal Hotel, a social movement of equal importance but with comparatively miniscule exposure quietly advances one revealing flash at a time.

The white-hot flare comes from the dual strobes set to fire off simultaneously when fine-art photographer Joel Belmont finds his critical focus. The image is up close, upside down and backwards within the viewfinder of his large format camera. Under the black hood that is thrown over Belmont’s head, he finds his subject poised in gynecological repose, her back resting on a pile of pillows at the edge of the bed.

She is a model from neighboring Alameda. Her name is Gracie, a name that fits in a variety of ways. She is calm and serene, and she was named after the late, great Gracie Burns, George’s wife. She is not nervous. She trusts the photographer and is proud to be a part of his project.

It is early in the afternoon, and as the marchers pound their drums and make their statements far below on the streets of San Francisco, Joel works expeditiously at the bellows of his large-format, Wisner 4 x 5 view camera. Crafted from wood, brass, leather and glass, extraordinary sharpness and detail is achieved by the large size of the negative, combined with the tack sharp focus from the camera’s European-made lens.

Belmont’s camera looks old timey, but is in fact rather new, which is sort of the opposite that could be said about himself. Joel’s hair is not quite red, nor blonde, but is a mixture  of both in Brillo form, as is his goatee and disconnected mustache. He is slight of build but not unathletic, and works in regular old blue jeans (not the pre-stained kind) and a blue-black t-shirt with no chest pocket. He exudes a pragmatic artistic presence that at times belies his youthful appearance. In his thirties, he is blessed with the healthy sheen of someone ten or more years his youth, which may be in part due to his love of the outdoors lifestyle that his Colorado home affords, and which he readily imbibes.  His manner is easy going, on point, and very professional, which is necessary in nude fine art photography, but which is also Joel’s nature. He is not a cocky rock star photographer, is not in the least bit demanding or too self-assured, and his subjects consciously appreciate these qualities.

Other than Joel and Gracie, there are five models present, along with Joel’s wife Lili. While Joel and Gracie shoot their images, a fifteen-minute long process, the five wait across the oblong hotel room in an area that has been cleared to make an informal reception area. They sip bottled water and chat amicably, as women do. They pass around a clipboard with model releases to read and comment on. The conversation is tangential, and ranges from subjects as different as one’s experience running with the bulls in Pamplona, to a unique sculpture that one of the women is making for the upcoming Burning Man festival, to the value of various modeling social networks, and finally, to the subject at hand – labia, and specifically how they might, through their modeling of their own healthy labia, help to raise awareness of the human rights issue known as Female Genital Mutilation (FGM), which is the overarching reason for Belmont’s first book.

Rox is an artist, originally from Italy, where issues of human sexuality are often not as taboo as they are in America, where the issue of FGM is hardly known. “That is where I first read about this mutilating. It is a horrible thing to think of. These young women are stripped of their ability to have pleasure, or even children, in some cases.” A woman named Allison, who is a midwife-in-training, chimes in. “I found out about it (FGM) years ago through my studies. It is so infuriating. I feel helpless in a way. That is why I am here, posing.” The waiting models nod in agreement. They all hope that maybe someone involved with the practice of FGM will see this book, view these photographs in their stunning detail and elegance, and better understand just how beautiful and integral natural labia are. And, they hope, then that same person will read the accompanying stories about the practice, from women whom it has been forced upon, and change their perspective about this arcane and inhumane ritual. “It only takes one village doing the right thing to change the wrong thinking of an entire continent,” one of the models says in the midst of an energetic and frank discussion.

The bulbs make a loud pop, and the flashing lights of Belmont’s latest captured image punctuates the thought. It was the last of those he will take of Gracie, and he thanks her kindly as she fills out her release. The day started early, with models arriving in a steady stream right at 9 am. Since he uses film, there are required breaks in which Belmont changes and loads the film in a coat closet, his temporary dark room. When he emerges, Lili hands her husband a turkey sandwich bought at a deli down the street to help fuel him in the midst of a hectic shooting schedule, which he wolfs down in large chomps as he explains the history of his latest project.

Reading the Christian Science Monitor some time ago, Joel found an article written about the cultural and human-rights challenges with FGM, which led him to extensively research the subject. The idea that a culture would forcibly mutilate their youth as common practice, struck a deep, upsetting chord within his worldview.  His perspective is that all people—especially women and young children—should be valued, and treated with physical and emotional care.

 

Joel has made a successful career out of photographing the human form in all of its natural sanctity, and has done so with a pervading sense of respect and appreciation for the women that have posed for him. His joy for life and the human form comes across throughout his works, which he meticulously creates in a way that desexualizes nudity though careful posing of his subjects and the usage of black and white film.

“I try to make images that are not about a nude body, or sensuality, but about ideas. I also work to depersonalize the models in the images, so that others can relate more directly to these ideas. The Labia Project, to me, requires the Nth degree of depersonalizing and desexualizing the human form” he says as he poses the next model. In practice, Belmont accomplishes this by first framing out, and then digitally cropping out everything but the labia that he is photographing. He does so using small strips of black “gaffers tape”, common in film production, which the models apply as a frame around their labia minora. Belmont then makes sure there are no suggestive elements in the image, and works with lighting to find the most artistic angle to shoot from. Since it is film that he is shooting, there are no saved versions to work from as a form of error correction – he shoots in the old way, trusting his settings. He snaps four to twelve shots per model, and moves on.

Also important to Belmont is a second motivation for this series of photographs. With this book, he hopes to help women who have low self-esteem and a negative body image come to terms with their uniqueness and beauty. “Labia are the portal for the majority of human life, yet many people, including women, often won’t talk about this beautiful and integral part of a woman’s body. Why? Moralists long ago made the subject taboo, and the pornography industry has exploited and made it dirty, but I see it as just another unique part of the human body. Though it’s often considered solely sexual, of itself a woman’s labia is quite elegant in line and form” he adds, pointing out earlier artistic efforts along these lines, such as Georgia O’Keefe’s paintings of flowers.

This aspect of the project is what most intrigued Rox, the model. “I used to be embarrassed by my labia. They are pretty big, and I had no idea what I was supposed to look like – what was normal,” she says, explaining how she believes that if women are able to see other women’s labia in a desexualized light, that they will likely feel much better about their own. A cheerful model named Alice agrees. “My sister used to think that she was ugly and that nobody would ever want to have sex with her. It was a hangup that I am not sure she ever got over,” she says.

“Katherine”, who prefers to remain anonymous, is originally from Latvia, and is by trade a scientist, working in the field of toxins. The lab where she works is a sterile environment that is not encouraging of artistic thinking. To satisfy her creative instincts, she models occasionally. She found Joel’s images to be striking, and volunteered to pose for The Labia Project based on the photographer’s reputation passed along by other models that she knows. She is long and lean, and possesses an angular face and short blond hair similar to that of the late Princess Diana. When she sits, her limbs sprawl out in spindly fashion, her back barely touching the couch that she sits on. She is wrapped in a loose fitting red summer dress with black hoops for straps and looks very much like a very tall, elegant bird. Asked if she is worried at all about being photographed in such an up close, personal manner, she laughs. “No, I am not nervous.” she says, and then stops to think for a moment. “Society is too focused on perfection, but there is no perfect shape or form. We are all so different. Some people are deeply shameful of nudity. If this helps change one persons perception, then it will be a success,” she adds.

The room goes briefly nuclear again. The Wisner’s shutter swings open and then is clamped down at once. A final image is gathered, and both subject and artist share a quiet laugh about something. After all of the paperwork is filled out and they have chosen whether to receive a gallery print or a signed book as compensation, the models all give one another hugs, gather their belongings, and scatter out into the still boisterous parade below. Other than the noise from outside, the room is still for the first time all day. Joel sits on the edge of the bed and sips a cold cup of water. This is how art gets made. Some movements have parades and vibrant parties which intend to unite society in protest of inequality and injustice, such as the one that blares on below this temporary studio of room #221 of the Opal Hotel. Others gather steam quietly, one frame at a time.

Joel Belmont’s artwork stands on the shoulders of the masters and reaches ever higher, striving to evoke thought and capture beauty all at once. In this book, he takes on a taboo subject with originality and purpose of mission. The photographer who worked two years to make this book happen, and the models who contributed to The Labia Project do so with hope that it will help uplift critical thought, and that it will challenge those who needlessly mutilate this necessary and beautiful part of human life to turn away from injustice, and strive towards more humane cultural practices.

Corbett M. Anderson

Marina, CA

Image

Sporks for Sticks

By Corby Anderson

5-14-12

Yesterday at lunchtime I went out for my weekly Sunday meal and newspaper ritual. I wound up in the wayside town of El Jebel. Hungry after a late night of playing music at a foodless bar, I ordered up a burger, some fries and a coke. I was fetching the ketchup/salt/straw/napkin paraphernalia and trying my damndest to not think about the week ahead yet when my ears tuned into a racket emanating from the dining room. Looking in, I saw that the ruckus was coming from a little Latino kid, maybe 5 years old, who was smacking the table that he sat at loudly and consistently with a pair of plastic sporks.
Consciously, I chose to sit as far away from the noise as I could. I spread out my papers and dug into the week’s news. I had brought my journal along and had some designs on writing a few pages as well, but after a few minutes of mentally trying to block the noise coming from the boy across the dining room, I found that the loud, rapid fire smacking of the spoons was overwhelmingly annoying and gave up the idea of writing there at lunch.

You know how a particularly out of place noise in a certain situation can just grate on you? Well, times that by two. Sure, I could get up and leave, but I was the customer here. I had purchased food and had a right to sit and read my paper in relative quietude, right? And here was this oblivious child, no parent in sight, ruining my long-anticipated Baconator moment! Were I an urbanite, you can just about guarantee that my outraged gourd would resemble a bobble head and my outstretched finger a windshield wiper.

I started to get up and go say something, but just before standing, a strong instinct told me not to.

I sat back and thought for a moment. I opened my ears, listening to all of the noises of the otherwise quiet restaurant. The crew hustle was blocked by the wall that separated us. The few other diners each sat alone, eating silently absent the occasional straw slurp. The kid smacking out a ratta-tat-tat-TAT on the Formica table top. The overhead speakers piped in an old rock and roll song. The kid persisted, smacking the salt and pepper shakers, leveling the paper pyramid of marketing material on the table. I went back to the Denver Post sports page. The headline was for a game that was two days ago. I glanced at the top of the page. Damn. Saturday’s paper for Sunday coin. I had gotten distracted by running into a good old friend at the newspaper boxes. Her husband is one of my heroes. He died for an hour a few years ago while eating a steak in Aspen, Colorado. He’s barely with us now. I hugged them both, and wished her a happy Mother’s Day. She showed me the charm that her daughter had given her at their breakfast picnic. I told her that it was beautiful, and how I though the idea of a breakfast picnic was ridiculously cool.
The song changed. In the split second interval of one song ending and the other starting I heard calm and quiet in the restaurant. Then, the jolting intro riff to Blue Oyster Cult’s “Godzilla” cranked up, and, once more, so did the kid on the sporks.
It was only then, with my annoyance squashed by an inner voice that occasionally tells me to live in the moment and just observe (the writer’s instinct?) and my attention properly relaxed and focused that I realized that the boy was actually drumming with those sporks, not just being a nuisance. He was hitting the spice shakers as toms, using the cardboard triangle as a splash. And though his tempo was off, he was actually pretty well matching the rhythm of the tune. Skeptical still, I waited for the legendary drum solo section, ready to dismiss the whole thing as an idyll kid’s dumb luck. I thought of the infinite monkey theorem – the one that says that you can give a team of monkey time enough tapping on enough keyboards and eventually they will write Shakespeare.
The fuzzed-out guitars fired into that old familiar staccato rhythm. Duh-duh-duh-duh-da-da-duh-duh! The bass followed. Then the stringed instruments dropped out and the drum solo came. The kid followed a half beat behind, reaching all across his “kit” of a table for effect. Astounding, I thought! He was mimicking an incredibly complex drum solo on what I had to assume was ear alone.
My drink disappeared, when the song ended I got up to get a refill. The kid watched me closely as I crossed the restaurant, putting his sticks down on the table. “Hey kid, you speak English?” I asked on a whim. He nodded and smiled. “Yes,” he said quietly. I asked him how old he was. He held up three fingers in each hand. “You ever played a drum kit before?” followed my line of questioning. “No,” he said, dropping his chin to his chest in a classic pout. I thought quickly back on my own youth, when I had tried out for jazz band as a drummer. “Look buddy, you need to get your parents to enroll you in a music class pronto! You’ve got chops!”
He motioned back to the rear corner of the restaurant. “Papa,” he exclaimed dejectedly, pointing with his back-cast thumb at a booth where a couple of employees were looking over a notebook, discussing work. I looked back at the counter. There was no one to be seen behind it. The kitchen was empty.
“Hey Dad-Of-The-Kid-That-Is-Sitting-Here-Drumming-On-The-Table!” I said perhaps a little too abruptly in an amplified voice. He looked up startled. “Is this your kid?” I asked, closing the distance, consciously trying not to come off as mad or weird. He nodded, getting up out of his booth. “Yes, yes!” He looked at the boy with a caring look that turned stern in the same glance. “What is wrong sir, is he being too loud?” “No, no. He’s fine. But I do think that you need to get him a drum set and into music classes, quick like! The kid has insane skills for his age. The longer you put it off, the longer it’ll be until you get to hear his real talent. And you know, there is nothing worse for a household than an ambitious, untrained drummer!” I explained with a grin.
The father walked over to his son, roughing up his thick black hair with a firm swipe, leaving a frozen rooster tail in his wake. They looked at each other. The son’s brown eyes beaming up at his father with excitement and love. The father reflected and magnified down the feeling in his own identical eyes. “Would you like that, Carlos?” he asked. The kid nodded in a brace of double time head shakes. “OK then, we’ll get you a drum for your birthday!” he said lovingly. “And sticks!” the kid replied instantly. “And a medium Coke, for me,” I added, rattling the ice in my waxy cup.

*Corby Anderson is a freelance writer who writes from the spidery loft of an old log cabin on a truck ranch in Emma, Colorado. His essays, literary, food and music reviews, PR work, novel excerpts, poetry and other detritus can be found at www.corbyanderson.wordpress.com, and he can be reached at corbyanderson@hotmail.com.

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